You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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