Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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