He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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