Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
