Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
