she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
