In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
