where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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