OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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