Yo dont text me then not text me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
try to milk me bitch
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