I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
