found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
