someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
