Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
