Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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