2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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