I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
MIDGETS
????
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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