Buhtt sex?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
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Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
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The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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