i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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