Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
