I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
