So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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