Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I still have a little drunk in my system
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
