just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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