Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
