just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
