In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
