I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
