They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
