Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
