my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
