after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
