how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
