I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's Friday. Sex?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
