hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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