forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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