Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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