So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
