my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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