hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
