I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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