My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize