dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
