Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
