He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
