How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
