Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She needs sedatives and a leash
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
