so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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