Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
