Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
