If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize