she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
