DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
