dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
