I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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