its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize