this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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