He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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