John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
