I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize