There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
