So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize