I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
