He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
