You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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