Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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