Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
