i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
