So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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