Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
