so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I've blown a few things in my day
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
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