I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
