she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
worst night to have a conscience
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
