I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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