I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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