he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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