i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
