a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
