No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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