my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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