So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
