We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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