new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
