You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
